Don't you cry
by GoddessofHell
Summary: Our potion master found the love of his life. Only their happiness was bound to a limited time. He wakes up because of a nightmare and reflects the time with his love.


Ten years after the ending of the second war, Severus woke up one night. He felt the tears falling from his eyes. He had that dream again. The dream that woke him up at least 20 times a year. And every time it was a hell, waking up and realising that the woman he once loved was gone. She would never be in his bed again, waking up to comfort him when he had a nightmare of all the dark things he had seen in his early life. He fell back on his bed, staring at the ceiling that looked like the sky. It was now dark with sparkling stars.

_Little by little_

_I've come to this point_

_On my own I've been searching my way_

_I lost you so early_

_The days went so fast_

_You don't know how I prayed every day_

It all happened ten years ago. Everything that made him the man he is today happened in that year. He found what he has lost in his childhood. Severus always thought he was a man without the ability to love. He was cold, hard and selfish. Why should someone love him when he couldn't love that someone in return? And yet there was someone that could see through the cold and hard outside. She could reach his heart. It took time to let her in, but when he opened his heart he got everything he wanted.

She was sitting at a table next to Longbottom, whispering that he had to stir clockwise instead of counter clockwise. "Ten points from Gryffindor, Miss Granger. When do you learn that Longbottom will never learn to do potions? Even you as an insufferable know-it-all can't change that fact." A sneer accompanied my comment. That idiot of a Weasley tried to say something, but Granger glanced him a look that said "shut up, don't get yourself in trouble!" That Potter brat was smart enough not to say a thing. Granger didn't even flinch when he took points.

Even though he wouldn't admit it in public, Granger was still the best student he had ever taught potions. She was interested in everything that was in a book, but she had potential to become a potion mistress. And that was what she wanted to become. Granger applied for the position on becoming his apprentice. He had the power to turn her down, but he knew she was destined to become great. He couldn't do it and accepted her as his apprentice. Even if she was glad that he accepted, she didn't show.

She and I would work three evenings per week. Sometimes they would work on a potion; other times he lectured her about the history of potions and the several potion masters (and mistresses of course). All the books he ordered her to read she read cover to cover. They discussed several topics. She shared his passion when it came to potions. He started to enjoy her company and at first it scared him. How could he enjoy the company of the insufferable know-it-all? But deep inside he knew the answer. She was exactly like him. Passionate when it comes to knowledge, potions and books. There was only one thing she had and he didn't; the ability to love. She had people who cared for her, even loved her. Her youth was full of love from her parents. They pushed her to expand her knowledge and become a top student. They succeeded. Here in front of him was a brilliant young woman. But there was no way he would tell her that. He pushed all the feelings he had for her aside. She would never know how he cared for her. Why tell her how he felt when she wouldn't return his feelings? Why would a woman twenty years younger than him return his love? A relationship between a teacher and his student was not forbidden. He looked it up in the school rules, but still he would never try something when it came to her.

But the age difference and the student-teacher relation weren't even the main reasons why he did not wanted to tell her how he felt. He was still a spy and he was still a Death Eater. He couldn't risk losing her. When he would tell her how he felt, she would become a target. They would hunt her down. She was still a muggleborn.

All his childhood memories where his father told him to hate each muggleborn and torture them right in front of him were forgotten. Why would a muggleborn be any less than a pureblood? She showed him that a muggleborn could be his equal. She had more spirit, more knowledge and more courage than any pureblood wizard or witch he knew. She had a temper and she was ambitious. She was someone that had every house quality united in her. That girl sitting right in front of him, reading a book about the darkest potions ever been brewed, was destined to become great. He knew it and he vowed to protect her with everything he could.

In classes he would still be the slimy and greasy git that took points from Gryffindor, maintaining his image as the evil potion teacher. He would still play the act that he favoured the Slytherins. There was still that big, brick wall that surrounded his heart and his emotions. He would never let anyone break that wall down, well almost anyone. The young, bright witch, his apprentice, would be a person that could break down the wall. The day she break down the wall will be the day that he will tell her how he really feels.

The war was becoming fiercer than ever. Not a day went by without a death of parent, brother, sister of other relatives. There weren't many students that didn't suffer a loss, not even the Weasleys. Percy Weasley was killed in the ministry when several Death Eaters started a riot in the main hall. Even Granger was in tears when she heard the news. Still she showed up that night for another meeting with him. He told her to go back to the tower and sulk there. She was in no condition to work on a potion. "You know the rules Miss Granger. Leave your emotions outside the dungeon when we have to work on potions. Emotions in every form can ruin the potion. You can make mistakes that can be dangerous, that can even cause death. Go back to your common room and return when you can leave your emotions outside." That look on her face hit him like a brick wall. He had been too harsh. All he wanted to do is take her in his arms and apologize. She didn't deserve this. She just suffered a loss. The Weasleys are like her own family. She turned around and walked away. After closing the door he sank down on his couch, his head in his hands. He sat there for a long time when he heard a knock on his door. "It's open". He didn't even bother to look up, but he could smell her. She smelled like vanilla and cinnamon. "I'm sorry, miss Granger". He couldn't believe what he just did. Did he just apologize to her? She walked to him and knelled in front of him. She told him to look her in the eyes, but he couldn't. He knew she could read every emotion that he felt in his eyes. She took his face in her soft hands and forced him to look at her. Everything he felt was in his eyes, but he could also see it in hers. A tear left her eye and he brushed it away with a gentle touch of his thumb.

That night was the start of something new. She found the way to the wall around his heart. The first bricks vanished underneath her touch. With her chocolate brown eyes she showed him that there was still hope. Hope for him, hope for them and hope for love. Her face came closer to him and he felt her lips touching his. Careful at first, but it became more passionate. He returned her kiss and slowly deepened it. It was a sensation and a feeling he had not felt for a very long time. All the feelings he hides deep inside behind the mask of the cold and heartless bastard he was in class. That night he finally admitted his true feelings and she returned them with the same passion.

Somewhere in his chambers the old headmaster couldn't help but smile. It had finally happened. The man that never thought he could love was being loved and he loved in return. Dumbledore knew it would happen and he hoped it would give the potion master the strength he needed in the coming battle. But he was wrong..

Only two months later Severus lost her. He lost her to the bastard he once served. With her death he returned to the cold and evil potion master. His feelings hidden deep inside him and hiding himself behind the mask he did not wear after the night she loved him in return. His true feelings only revealing when he was alone in his dark, cold chambers and at night when he was dreaming about her. Her chocolate brown eyes that once held all the love for him were empty that night when he held her dead body in his arms. The sight of those eyes haunted his dreams.

_A song to remember_

_A song to forget_

_You'll never know how I tried_

_To make you proud_

_And to honor your name but_

_You never told me goodbye_

She stayed that night and each following night. He was thankful that she had her own room, so that way she didn't have to be careful to sneak out a dorm room full of co-students. Each night he fell asleep with her in his arms. Each morning he would wake up, thinking it was all a dream, but then realising it was all truth. She was there in his arms, her arms around his lean form, and her head on his muscular chest. And each morning he feared for her life. He permitted her to love him and he returned her love. He risked his life when he decided to become a spy for the light, but now he jeopardized her life as well. It could not come out that he lost his heart to the muggleborn, Gryffindor know-it-all. And then again he couldn't let her go.

A month went by without any sign of the Dark Lord. Until one night. His left arm burned. She was there in his rooms when it happened, her eyes full of fear, begging him not to go. He had no choice and she knew it. Tears were streaming down her face when he collected his robes and mask. He walked to the door when she got up and ran to him. She threw herself in his arms and he holds her for a moment. He gently lifted her face and kissed her softly on her lips. "I'll make sure I come back. Don't you cry or suffer over me. Just wait for me." With that he let her go, ran to the edge of the dark forest and apparated away.

The meeting of that night was a meeting he would never forget. They knew. They knew about her, they knew about his true feelings for her. He betrayed the Dark Lord by loving a mudblood. But how? How could they know about the relationship? Nobody knew except the headmaster. Who? Who told the Dark Lord? And then he heard the typical sneer that belonged to Malfoy Senior. "Head of Slytherin, fellow Death Eater, fell in love with the Gryffindor mudblood. Oh, how precious." Severus didn't react. He blocked all his thoughts when he felt the Dark Lord prying in his mind. He was determined to protect her. "No my Lord, I did not fall in love with the Gryffindor mudblood. I play around, she means nothing to me. She is only a way to get to that Potter brat." It hurt him to say such things about the woman he loves, but he had no choice. He vowed to himself to protect her, no matter what. "I don't believe you completely Severus. Why didn't you tell me about your plans to toy that mudblood around? But for now I let you off the hook." Severus sighed and thanked him. "But that doesn't mean I don't punish you for keeping something that important from me. CRUCIO!"

Completely exhausted and with aching muscles he returned to Hogwarts. He succeeded, for now, in protecting her. He had to fill her in, tell her she is in danger. The Dark Lord is after her to get Potter. Severus reached the doors of his chambers and stumbled in. She was sleeping in his bed, dried tears on her face. She didn't hear him come in. The only thing he wanted to do was lie next to her, take her in his arms and sleep. And so he did.

He told her that she was in danger. It didn't shock her, she already knew. The moment she became friends with Potter made her a potential victim for the Dark Lord, a way to hurt Potter. She healed his sore muscles and they spent the day in each others arms listening to music. The music helped him to relax and even forget the things that happened the previous night and the things that lied ahead for a moment. The music they played that day were songs that still remembered him of her. Some of the songs were played at her funeral.

He tried to continue his life after the funeral. His chambers in the dungeons are cold and dark, but he was still there. Severus told every first year the story about Potter and his best friends Weasley and (his) Hermione. They had to know what a wonderful person it was. She fought for a free world where there are no such things as mudblood, pureblood and halfblood. She gave her life so that they can life a normal live without fear. He knew it would make her proud. But would he make her proud?

_Now that you are gone_

_Casting shadows from the past_

_You and all the memories will last_

They only had two blissful months together. Two months of happiness, love, affection and passion. She was his in every sense of the word. They savoured each moment together, knowing it could be their last. And then there was that night in May. That night it all came to an end.

Hermione was in the Gryffindor common room when the alarm rang. Lord Voldemort was attacking the school. Ron and Harry were at their feet, wands in their hand. They knew it was time. Harry knew it was his time to end this battle once and for all. They locked the younger students inside the common room, casting shield charms and made sure they were well protected. Most of the older students were members of the DA and prepared to fight.

Severus met her in the hall. She ran to him and she looked ready to fight. He didn't want her there. She was not safe here and he wanted her to be safe. "Stay with me, love. Don't leave my side!" She nodded and together with all the students and teachers they ran outside, sending curses to the Death Eaters that were coming out of the forest. She was absolutely brilliant. Curse after curse were send to the coming Death Eaters. She stupefied a lot before that one fatal curse hit her.

Severus lost her out of his sight. She was somewhere on the battle field, but he did not know where. He looked around, panic filled his heart. "Where are you, love?" He spotted her brown curls and he ran to her. There she was, battling with Bellatrix. It appeared she was the strongest one. She sends a cutting curse to Bellatrix which hit her across the chest. A large wound appeared and Bellatrix fell down on the ground, bleeding to death. She didn't see the Death Eater behind her. Severus tried to warn her, but it was already too late. A flash of light hit his love from behind and she fell down. He didn't hesitate and ran to the Death Eater, preparing his Unforgivable. "AVADA KEDAVRA!" The hooded figure fell death to the ground. He didn't care, all he could do was getting to his love as fast as he could. She lay on the ground, blood surrounded her. He fell next to her, cast a shielding charm and took her in his arms.

She looked at him with her chocolate brown eyes. She tried to say something but Severus shushed her. "Don't talk, love. I know. Please, be strong. Please, fight. I need you. I can't live without you. I can't miss you in my live. Not now, please, not now." Tears were running freely down his face. His voice was pleading. The battle still surrounded them, but he didn't pay attention. Suddenly he felt a shock and they were surrounded by a bright light. They both knew that it was the end of the war. Voldemort was defeated by the boy who lived. The world was free again. She knew it. "Severus, love, it's ok. The magical world is free at last. Remember me, us and my love for you" She closed her eyes and he felt fear. "No, love, please open your eyes. You need to fight. I'll get you out. I'll get help. Please open your eyes." No matter what he tried she didn't open her eyes. He knew it was the end. His love was gone, she sacrificed her life. He held her close, not wanting to let go. He cradled her, stroking her hair, kissing her temple. He didn't notice the people that surrounded them. Ginny Weasley stood beside them with tears in her eyes. Her childhood friend was dead. She knelled beside both of them and put a hand on his shoulders. "They have to take her from the field, Professor." He could hear the tears in her voice. Severus nodded and gently picked his love up from the ground and carried her to the castle. He put her on one of the beds and kissed her forehead. "Goodbye love."

_Now I'm ten years older and_

_I'm feeling you still_

_Could it be you were there all along_

_A time to surrender_

_A time to forgive_

_With solace I give you this song_

That night, when he said her goodbye, was ten years ago. The time to surrender never came. He could not surrender himself to the dark night. He forgave her that she left his side at the battlefield. He knew she did it for a good cause. She did it to give the muggleborns the freedom to join Hogwarts, to join the magical world without fearing for their lives. She became a hero to all muggleborns and to the rest of the magical community. Many died that same night, but he could only grieve for one.

_Now that you are gone_

_Casting shadows from the past_

_In my dreams I hear you voice at last_

His bed is cold and empty. His heart is empty. His life has no meaning. The only thing that keeps him going is the fact that finally he can hear her voice at last. In his dreams he can hear her speak to him, whispering words of comfort, of aid and love.

_Don't you cry_

_Or suffer over me_

_I will be waiting for you _

_Don't you cry_

_Angels never fade away_

_I'll be watching over you_

_See you through_

In his dreams he heard those words coming from her. She was there in his dreams, still alive and still loving him. He knew she would be waiting for him. One day they would be together again. He knew it was true, she watched over him. He could feel her presence. He felt her in his classroom when he gave his lecture to frightened first years, telling him he shouldn't be so hard on them. He felt her in his chambers and sometimes he thought he could smell the vanilla and cinnamon.

_I can see you tonight _

_In the pale winter light_

_Man and woman again_

_The bond of love will never end_

Winter has come. He felt tired. There is no reason to stay here. There are no unfinished businesses. He has nothing left in this world. He was waiting for her to get him. There was nothing in the world that he wanted more than reunite with her.

He visited her grave. It was surrounded by sculpted angels and other figures. He couldn't believe that this were her companions. He remembered her being warm and gentle. She could make him smile. He smiled more in the two months they shared than he had in his whole life. He could remember her gentle touch to sooth him after waking up from his nightmares. He remembers the way she looked at him, her eyes filled with love and passion. He remembers the way her body fitted in his tight embrace. She was his angel.

A shadow is moving. A shape appears in the pale winter night. It is his angel, his love. She is there to get him. Her arms spread, waiting for him to come to her. He walked to her, not knowing if his eyes are deceiving him. He lifts his left hand to touch her cheek. It is warm and soft. A tear falls from her eyes and he brushes it away with his thumb. She took his hands and pulled him in an embrace. The love between them was still as strong as ever. This was something that cannot be broken. A man and woman standing in the pale winter light. She turned around and started to walk away. "Come. I promised you that I would be waiting for you. It's time, love. You don't need to cry anymore. Your suffering is over. We are together at last." He heard her lovely voice and he knew it was true. He was ready to come with her. He took her hand in his and together they walked away.

The old Headmaster watched it from a window in his tower. He knew it would happen. This love was to strong. "Farewell my son. May you find eternal life in the presence of your love." A single tear escaped his left eye.


End file.
